In my mid-twenties I was a fairly practiced slut. I enjoyed my sexuality and I flaunted it. I saw, and still see, no shame in liking sex and pursuing it when I want it. At the time, I read all sorts of feminist manifestos about reclaiming female sexuality, several sex guides, and was a member of what I would describe as a sexual underground. I remember one of my very thin, very pretty model-esque friends saying to me in a slightly shocked voice how amazed she was at my sexual success and the amount of men that hit on me on a regular basis. I spent most of my twenties in a dark dance club, music venue or bar of some sort, and one of the major reasons anyone goes to those places is to get laid. Admittedly I spent that time in what can only be described as alternative spaces; goth dance clubs, industrial nights, punk bars, metal shows, S&M clubs, etc. so there was already a culture of the outsider present. I dressed sexy. Very sexy. I lived in painful but deliciously sexy stilettos. I coveted Victorian steel boned corsets and practiced serious tight lacing (lacing a corset as tight as possible to achieve an hour glass waist) which meant my already ample cleavage looked ridiculously huge piling up to my chin. Everything was low cut and tight. When I took up burlesque I started to dress in slinky pin-up fashions.
I was fairly successful as a fat slut but I live in a fat hating city. It's true, I live in Vancouver, BC and this place doesn't like fat people. It's a city of yoga nuts, vegan hippies, yuppy mommies with money and expensive memberships at exclusive gyms, health spas, and health freaks. These are all very thin people on the whole. Buying plus-size clothing in this city is nearly impossible. Apparently companies think there are no fat people here. Even clothing companies like H&M and Forever 21, companies that both have plus-size lines, don't sell those lines in their stores here. I guess they assume there are just no fat people here to buy the clothing. A walk down Granville street, the club district, on a weekend will give you an endless parade of very thin young women dressed in very short skirts with fake tans and lots of blonde hair. I have nothing against these women. I have a firm belief in the power of the short skirt even though I don't think fake tans look very nice, but hey, do whatever makes you feel sexy. I doubt these women like my ghost pale skin, so hey whatever. I may have been successful in my fat slut ways, but I was never hit on with the kind of frequency that my thin friends were. My fatness did stop a lot of men from hitting on me, either because they didn't like fat chicks or because they felt like they might be ridiculed for fucking a fat woman.
Nonetheless, I got laid fairly regularly and my partners were attractive (to me), energetic and vital. We set the sheets on fire, I'll tell you that for nothing. Just because I'm fat doesn't mean I don't know how to fuck. I've developed exceptional blow job skills and I can fuck like an animal when I want to. I'm sure there's been times when I've felt a little self-conscious getting naked in front of someone new, taking off my foundation garments that were holding my fat into a particular shape, but I've always found generally once I get going I can set that stuff aside and just let the joyfulness of sex happen. I've been adventurous in my sexuality. I've fucked in public, carefully concealed on the edges of park trails, in the bushes outside my university's library, in public gardens, in many different club bathrooms around the city, and once on a dark, deserted pier in the middle of the night. I had fun with sexuality. I explored S&M (and still do, I plan to write a whole entry about that), I explored my bisexuality, made-out with cross-dressing men on dance floors, made out with strange girls, played with toys, practiced my masturbation, had multiple partners at one time, had multiple orgasms, fucked in every room in the house, had one night stands, fucked strangers, and always made sure to practice safe sex.
I've always thought of myself as fat and sexy. I feel sexy when I put my make-up on, do my hair, slip on my heals, get dressed in a fun outfit and head out the door for a night of dancing. I feel fearless and uninhibited on a dance floor. Something about moving to music just brings out the sexy in me. Which would explain why burlesque dancing appealed to me and I never felt self-conscious about getting naked in front of an audience. I'm not having as much sex at this point in my life but that has very little to do with me being fat. It does have to do with dealing with my health issues and deciding to take a break from the emotional roller coaster of my last few relationships. I'm just not going out looking for sex right now. I am confident if I was looking for it, that it's out there somewhere. And the bit of sex I have been having is still often mind-blowing and I feel no need to hold myself back because I'm fat.
My aunt was fat and sexy in the 70s during the sexual revolution. She had amazing stories of sexual conquests and I listened to them all with rapt attention when I was a teenager. She helped form me into a sexually independent woman. I'm pretty sure she fucked her way through most of the men in the city she lived in and I remembered her telling me "deary, men generally don't care if you're fat as long as your cheery". She was telling me if you have a good attitude, fuck what people think of you and fuck whomever you want to.
Now, the slut lifestyle isn't for everyone. Maybe you don't want to pick up a different person every night and that's fine. However, please don't shame those who do like being a slut. It's their choice. Even if you prefer a monogamous life, that doesn't mean you can't explore your sexuality and your own sexual power. It doesn't mean you can't explore your own body and your lover's body with rabid enthusiasm even if you are a fat chick or a fat guy. Just because you are fat, doesn't mean you can't have great sex and be sexy. It's a real shame that we live in a culture that presents fat people as unsexy and unsexual. We're meant to be non-sexual blobs that no one would ever want to fuck. Fuck that noise.
When you do practice your slut escapades, be sure to be safe. And yes that means practice safe sex but also be careful about who you go home with. A young married couple, who were always out at the same clubs I was, that I am very good friends with used to make me introduce whatever person I had picked up that night to them before I left with said person. They would quiz my sexual conquest on their name, rank and serial number before we were allowed to leave and make sure my sexual partner for the night knew that I had friends that knew who I left with and expected to hear from me the next day. They also always demanded that my pick up agree to make me breakfast the next morning and I got a lot of free breakfasts that way. It would be nice to say go out there and get drunk and fuck whomever you want to and not worry about anything but that is not the truth of female lives at this point. You do need to exercise a little caution but don't let that hold you back. Just be smart.
I'm fat and sexy. I am very unapologetic about being fat and sexy. If someone thinks I'm not sexy because I'm fat, I say they can go fuck themselves. We all have different things we are attracted to and think are sexy. You don't have to be an asshole if you are not attracted to someone. Maybe you aren't attracted to women with brown hair. You won't be an asshole to every brown hair girl you meet (at least I hope not). But for some reason people who aren't attracted to fat people feel the need to be absolute cunts to fat people. My main point that I hammer at again and again in this blog, and I'm going to keep saying until people get the fucking point, is DON'T BE AN ASSHOLE! I'm not mean to people I'm not attracted to, I expect the same courtesy, thanks. Otherwise, you can kiss my fat, sexy ass.
|Photo credit: Rodney Gitzel|